Little Steps #4

 Around my 10th week.

It was on a Monday. I woke up in the morning as usual, getting ready to go to work. 

As soon as I stepped into the bathroom in the darkness (I don't usually switch on the light), I felt something came out between my legs, splashed on the floor. Since it was dark I could not see what it was. I took few steps back and switched on the light.

Imagine the feeling of seeing a blob of bright red blood on the floor, with sudden realization that there were blood trickling down my thighs. Macam dalam drama, sungguh. 

My mind went blank for few moments. Did I lost the baby? 

The only thing that made me a little bit calm was that I did not have any abdominal pain. I've experienced expelling product of conception before and it was painful. But I did not feel any pain. 

So I washed myself. Performed by Subuh prayer. Let out my fears and worries to Allah. And then I told my husband. He was speechless and lagi tak tahu nak buat apa. 

I texted my O&G friend in GH, she agreed to meet me at the clinic first thing in the morning. I applied for emergency leave as well of course. 

Memandangkan time Covid ni, kemasukan manusia ke hospital dihadkan, maka saya mengambil keputusan untuk menaiki Grab sahaja. Sebab bukan husband boleh tolong pimpin teman masuk pun. 

Sampai saja di klinik, kawan saya terus suruh baring atas katil untuk tengok fetal viability dulu. Dalam kata lainnya, nak tengok sama ada masih ada kah product of conception, dan kalau masih ada- ada heartbeat lagi tak?

Photo by Yang Shuo on Unsplash

Debaran betul sementara dia menggodek-godek probe atas perut. Memandangkan saya pun reti tengok ultrasound baby (walaupun sekadar nak tengok heartbeat saja), saya pun telengkan juga kepala nak intai skrin. 

Segala ketakutan cair bila terlihat masih ada isi dalam kantung berserta kerdipan degupan jantung. Kemudian kawan nak buat per speculum examination pula nak tengok pangkal rahim terbuka atau tidak (nak pastikan ia bukan inevitable abortion). 

"Wei...takutnya darah banyakkk." Bertuah punya member. Kita lagilah tengah takut ni. Tapi alhamdulillah, cervix tidak terbuka.

Selesai semua tu, dapat jumpa consultant Dr M untuk further discuss management. Dia prescribed Duphaston lagi. 

Untuk cyst itu pula, Dr M kata sadly time Covid ni GH tak buat pembedahan elektif, mereka akan buat prosedur kecemasan sahaja. Since cyst saya yang besar tu belum buat onar lagi, maka ia tak cukup sifat untuk dikira sebagai emergency. Iyalah saya pun faham itu. 

Maka Dr M beri pilihan - kalau nak buat cyst removal itu, kena buat di privatelah. Kalau di GH memang bertawakal saja cyst itu tidak pecah atau terpintal sendiri.

Hm...dilema. 

But for now, rehat di rumah seminggu dahulu dan mereka akan tengok kembali selepas itu. 

Ah...it will be a long week full of anxiety.